A few years ago, during my office commute, an interesting incident caught my attention. In a van full of women from different offices, one woman casually addressed another as “aunty.” The reaction was immediate when the lady firmly replied, “I am not your relative, please call me by my name.” What seemed like a small moment revealed something deeper about how we use certain words to define respect, age, and status in our daily interactions.
In South Asian cultures, women often address one another as baji, aunty, khala, or chachi. These words are usually used out of habit or respect, but they often carry meanings that go beyond politeness. What one person may see as a kind gesture can easily be taken as a comment on age.
This starts early, even in colleges, where younger students call those just a few classes ahead baji. It is seen as polite, but it instantly creates a gap. In social circles and friend groups, similar patterns appear. Some women use these titles to sound respectful, while others may use them as a subtle way to highlight their own youth. The truth is, most women today do not like being called baji or aunty at all, because these words make them feel older than they are or older than they want to be seen.
In many conversations, women openly express discomfort about being called by family titles, and that feeling is understandable. These words belong to personal family relationships, not to social or professional interactions. Using names instead feels neutral and helps create a sense of equality and ease. It also prevents the awkwardness that often follows when someone takes offence at a well-intentioned title. A simple question like asking how a person prefers to be addressed can make communication more respectful and comfortable for everyone.
The same complexity exists in offices. While some professionals are moving toward neutral and modern ways of communication, many still expect to be called sir or madam. In some cases, this expectation extends even beyond one’s own organization. I once addressed a person from another company in an email as Dear Mr. XYZ, following a professional and courteous tone. Yet he was offended that I had not called him sir. Such experiences show that our ideas of respect are deeply shaped by cultural habits rather than professional standards.
Over time, many workplaces are trying to shift toward more neutral and inclusive communication. Addressing someone by name, or adding Sb. (short for Sahib) after a name in Urdu, can maintain respect without sounding overly formal or hierarchical.
Language reflects how we see one another. Whether in colleges, offices, or social gatherings, being thoughtful about how we address others helps us move toward a culture where respect is not measured by titles but by understanding, equality, and mutual regard.
Have you ever found yourself in similar situations, where the way someone was addressed changed the tone of the interaction?
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